Sunday, July 8, 2012

That's what I Said! vol. 3 Red Flags: How to Know When You're Dating a Loser (9780452281172): Gary S. Aumiller, Daniel Goldfarb: Books:

'via Blog this', many actually, if you care to type in "red flags" in the search at amazon...beat me to it. LOL 

 I have thought for years, maybe I could write a book helping women catch and respond to "red flags" during their dating years.  My credentials?  Simply recognizing them in friends' relationships when they did not (to myself, not feeling comfortable sharing with that bad? sigh) and later down the road, after divorce or conflict, hearing them say "Well, I saw a few red flags, but..."  and a myriad of excuses they told themselves, like "I thought he would change" or "I thought *I* could change him" or "I just thought he was having a bad day."  And so many more.  (Yes, this happens to guys w/ their girl mates too...but my perspective is obviously geared toward my chicas :P)  Plus...I think I picked a pretty good winner myself :)  Okay, I'm not writing this to brag though....honestly I'm not.  Heck, I'm not saying that I am perfect, or my "winner" is (well, he is...hi, honey, love you!) but.... I just have wondered why so many women, ...women especially that I care very much about, and consider very intelligent...can not see what seem to be glaring red flags?  Or...why they choose to ignore them?  Obviously, the answer can vary...and can be deep-seated (did ya' think that should be "deep-seeded"?  find out why not here :) and personal. 

 But I've wondered if having a book out there would affect change, and help some women.  Well...then I think: if they are choosing to ignore it, they aren't going to go looking for a book about it, now are they?  No, but maybe if it were on the Barnes and Noble bookshelves in glaring and bold red letters, they would LOL :P

I actually had a few short-lived experiences in my "dating career", too, where I chose to ignore,...simply so that I could say I WAS in a relationship...and not be lonely.  But I KNEW what I was doing...and  though I feel very ashamed for "using" several guys...some "nice" guys even...for my own selfish gain, the truth is...I knew very quickly when there was a red flag, and that the relationship was going no where (meaning marriage) and that I would end it, eventually.  Sad to say.  And again, I'm not boasting... I could have easily said to myself (and I did try to say this with at least one relationship before I met Doug) "Well, I'm never going to find my PERFECT guy, I'm just going to have to settle."  And I would have been stuck in an unhappy marriage, trying to "make the best of it." 

 There, but by the grace of God, go I.

  And I possibly would have experienced divorce down the road, because (especially in the Protestant mindset I was accustomed to) having "awoken" to the fact that it had "not been God's will in the first place", and having convinced myself it was okay to "break up" and "move on," it would have been easy.  Afterall, there IS no (sense of) SACRAMENT and covenant (with God) in most marriages.  And even when there is, people will use the excuse that they did not understand it as so or simply make sinful mistakes. 

 It's a sad state of affairs.  Like 50% divorce rates??  Our own little southern county has one of the highest divorce rates in the country.  And I've seen friends and family dropping like flies in the divorce zapper.  Not funny, absolutely depressing.  (And too, of course, I had NO sense of vocation either, or that there were legitimate other choices, like even besides single-hood, actual Vocations to celibacy and religious life.  Wow!  I used to worry about that for my children, after first converting, but now I PRAY hard for their vocations, and pray that God will use them for ministry and religious life!  But I digress... :)

So, my newest and best solution to the whole thing?

  Well, besides adhering to CHURCH teaching and just honoring your Sacramental commitment no matter what??  Is teaching Humanae Vitae and  Theology of the Body to everyone.  I'm not sure how to do that....secretly hide it in something secular and distribute to all the schools?  LOL  No... though, I do have a theory that truly Classical education, including a deeper understanding of the study of Philosophy and more specifically, Natural and Moral Law, is what is needed to help convert the world to Catholicism.  I mean, for Protestants, who already believe in God/Trinity/Resurrection/'s a mere study of accurate History and early Church Fathers.  But, beyond that, regarding our biggest moral issues of the day, I think it's Philosophy.  Understanding our Hedonistic ways, then why there is a need for Order out of Chaos, and finally the need for Moral Truth proceeding out of Natural Law and ending with the only ONE TRUE answer:  there is a God, and He did all that stuff in the Bible, plus established His Church on earth called the Catholic Church. :)  

Yes, that's a not-so-good synopsis from my 2 a.m. brain, but do you get my drift?  It's what happened to this well-known blogger.  And I see it needed so much for my New Age/Wiccan/Pagan professing friends too (mostly women btw.) this not only Hedonistic, but extremely "Tolerant", anything-goes society.  Hmm. That's not the exact words I am looking for, but anyhoo... someone probably already said all of this way better than I, too.  If I find it, I will post it.

So to recap... I guess the world doesn't need another self-help, "red-flag reader" (especially from me lol) ...but rather, it needs conversion. 

 O Mary, Queen of Heaven, pray for us!


  1. Mandy, this is an interesting post that hits home with me. I don't know how I ended up with a winner of a husband expect by the Grace of God! I did date a lot of losers and I saw the red flags but really it took a lot time and a lot of heartache to finally "get the picture." Really, I wish there had been a book within my reach to teach me what to look for in a husband or a even the right kind of men to date. My parents never gave me any kind of advice about dating. They sort of threw me to the wolves so to speak. Likely I wouldn't have listened if they had offered advice, but I would have listened to a book.

    What a nice family you have! Very nice blog,
    God Bless YOu!

  2. Thanks Monica! I know what you mean. I'm just not sure what marketing would get such a book OUT THERE enough to reach girls...