Thursday, July 21, 2011

Update and thoughts on Mariam

I just am not a blogger yet sigh lol  Maybe one day....but for now, these odd out-of-the-blue posts that no one reads will have to do.  Anyway, I think I'm actually going to skip the update (I lied, and I'm not changing the title of this post either) for now and post about Mariam.  I am just pondering her so much lately.  We are considering sending her to the Church preschool  for Pre-K3 3 mornings a week...unlike her older siblings who've never been to school (other than church) because a) she's so BUSY and demanding of my attention and ready for MORE and so that makes it hard when I"m trying to home school the other two and I don't want to gip any of them and so b) it'd help us get our home schooling done those hours the mornings she was gone and c) Daddy would be right down the hallway at work and sometimes me and the siblings would as well (in a quiet space) and d) I know and trust the teachers and e) she is smart as a whip and I think if behaviour-wise and potty-wise she can make it, she'll thrive in her environment and f) if they just get her reading, I can take it from there in home schooling :)  ..............ah but did you catch that behaviour and potty stuff?  argh!!!  lol She is a mess!  Our little firecracker....she says and does the funniest things but everything she does, she does with SUPER GREAT PASSION :)  That's good and bad. LOL  It's great when it's the big tight hugs and big wet smooches and "I love you Mommy!" :)  Oh man!  But....when she's being not so good LOL it's LOUD and it's HARD and it's some times painful LOL Literally from a tiny baby, maybe 2 or 3 months old, she would find a way to head bang you by accident or punch you in the gut or step on a or throw something in your face or throw herself on your surgical incision (no kidding) ...all by accident, but just so her boisterous way! lol  Then as she got a little older she just could not help but express herself in "painful" ways ....pinching Jillian to get a toy from her or hitting Bubba to get a bite of whatever he had, or something like that....all the time....even biting !  And Jillian was more often the victim...I don't know why!  But Mariam adores Jillian and Jillian can be such a great big sister to her....she used to "teach" her things while riding in the van all the time....asking her "what color is that?" or telling her words or spelling or something.  It was so cute.  It would help occupy Mariam too!  There is definitely a sisterly bond there, so many other things, some times Mariam's behaviour gets in the way a bit LOL  She loves to test the boundaries and say "NO!" :P  Yes, I know you say well, she IS Three years old LOL Yes, and I tell myself that....she's just different from the other two....but I expected to have a child like that eventually.  No, I'm not complaining... really...I expected it....I don't think Noah would have been that way, but quite possibly the 4th child I gave birth to, if things had been different..... I just expected to eventually have a child like  I love every inch of who Mariam is.  I just worry.  And that's what I worry about for her going to preschool....I don't want it to change her, and maybe it will in only GOOD ways actually....but I fear getting a call saying, we just can't handle her. LOL  I guess I shouldn't fear it because it'd be just fine if she "had" to come home....I would adjust....which brings me back to, well, why don't I NOW?  argh!  BUT then again, I'm thinking it WILL actually be GOOD for ya go.  Why I'm thinking about Mariam a lot these days :)  (Oh yeh, and she won't consistenly poop in the potty yet LOL She's getting better, but not sure if she'll be all the way there by school next month...hmmm)

BUT there 's another reason.  It's related to another little girl.  A girl who is a part of a family whom attends our parish.  Little Lindsey.  I've been following Lindsey's "story" for over a year now.....she's a very sick littler girl we pray for every night.  She has brain cancer, and it's a horrible horrible disease to watch ravage innocent little children's bodies. :(  It's so hard to read the updates, but how must it be for her parents and family! :(  So we pray and hope and pray some more.  But even more, about little Lindsey.......she. reminds. me. so. much. of. Mariam.  They are built the same or were :(  Thin little bodies w/ ivory white skin and blond hair and blue eyes ( i think).....just similar enough to make me do a double least after I read her mom's updates....and put myself in her shoes....and think if that WERE Mariam :(  It makes me love on and appreciate Mariam and her Mariam-isms so much more!!  I'm stealing that -ism thing from Christy, Lindsey's she describes things Lindsey USED to say as "Lindsey-isms"....and mariam has her own -isms.  I want to try to capture more of them here for memory sake...because I have such a poor memory as it is.  So anyway.....I'm going to post a pic of Mariam from last Sunday here (above) and then post Lindsey's caringbridge page (will have to sign in) w/ a pic on there of Lindsey when she was still in the early stages of this, in a very similar style and color top.....and just see what I mean.  And then squeeze your babies just as tightly as Mariam squeezes our necks, w/ GREAT PASSION!  I love her SO much!  I love the spark and joy and healing she brought our family!  The lessons and patience and spunk she teaches us lol

Here's the link: 

F.R.O.G.  -  Fully Rely On God   That is what Lindsey is all about, and that is what WE are all about .....I'm's so very hard for our human brains and selfish wants/needs to not get in the way (selfish on my part i mean) etc.......