How many children do you have?
5 :)...3 here, and 2 waiting for us OVER the rainbow. :)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
the Grief Spiral?
Okay, so I "shared" a picture from one of my FB friends onto my FB wall the other day, that generated a good discussion on grief. Here is the pic above...I hope you can see the details... it is the stages of the grief cycle. And I think to those who may not have experienced a loss, or even may have had for lack of a better word, a "minor" loss in their lives, if such exists, this may make sense. But it seems the consensus that even this twisting "ribbon" is too "neat." And that was my feeling as well. On the ICAN Loss and Recovery yahoo group which I help monitor and post, we've actually talked a lot about how messy our grief is. It's been described as a "rollercoaster" but with a lot more upside down loops that make you sick. But more than that, the word that comes up is a "spiral." There is no one size fits all. Each of our own "rungs" in the spiral look different. One said they experienced a lot of hyperactivity, perhaps a type of "denial" or coping mechanism. Another said they seemed to stay longer in the angry phase, or the blame and guilt, and then moved on to the "meaningful life" stage where they've maintained for a while. But no matter how much time had passed, and how much "meaningful" life they had achieved, ....there were always still surprise loops that would pop up, such as a day with many "triggers" or a particularly important date or year or "milestone" that didn't get achieved. And maybe even a stage that got bypassed, and so later surprisingly sprung up, needing to be addressed. Well, at least this is what the consensus seems to be, and what my experience is, just 6+ years out from my loss of Noah. Like I said, I think it probably looks different for every single person...but here is an example of what mine MIGHT look like, though I'm not even sure this does it justice....
I'll leave it to another post to talk about HOW one SHOULD or "should" grieve. For some reason, the song comes to mind, "Hide it under a bushel, NO! I'm gonna let it shine." Or let it burn is more like it.