Ponder in my heart (and a prayer request)

Someone...a friend...just gave me the BEST. ADVICE. EVER.  That, like Mary "pondered in her heart"....maybe this was a time for me to do that.  It actually applies to several different things in life....advice I needed for sure.  Sometimes, you have the urge to "just tell someone"...but that is not always prudent, or necessary.  Sometimes the best thing is to just wait.  So, as I do that....I do want to come to you and ask for prayer.

Last night my dear Daddy-in-law was taken to the emergency room.  Backtracking, he had awoken early Friday morning with what seemed to be a bad stomach bug.  By Saturday afternoon, when we saw him, he was very weak and we urged him to go ahead and be seen by a doctor, because perhaps he needed fluids for dehydration.  His blood sugar was 200.  Backtracking some more, my FIL has had 2 open heart surgeries in the past 12 years.   He had rheumatic fever as a child, that weakened his heart.  He also has a pacemaker that runs full-time.  But for the most part, he has done well considering.  It's only been the last few years he has continued to decline in his activities, but even more recently, he can hardly walk from house to car without getting very winded.  He has congestive heart failure and COPD.   He had recently gone to oxygen at night, a CPAP, and about 3 breathing treatments a day.  He will be 79 the end of the month. He's a good man.  He has taught me the real life virtue of literally "giving the shirt off your back" to others.  Almost to a fault, he would give and give to others, but especially to his children and grands, until he had nothing else to give.  And it doesn't matter how bad he feels, he demands to see his "youngin's" ....especially the littlest of the bunch, which is currently Mariam :)  As he told the nurse today, "that's his little princess."  :)

Well, anyway, lately we'd notice more of a "decline."  In his health, and in dear Momma-in-law's.  She has suffered through a bad case of Shingles the past 4 weeks, and just did not seem "herself."  In fact she was forgetting appointments and other things. Could she be in the early stages of dementia?  Her mother had it for several years.  We don't know.  But we suddenly saw a need.

Two of our grown nephews have been living with them, but one moved out because he has joined the Army and the other is just busy.  It's a large house.  They rebuilt it to be so, after a fire completely destroyed their old home 10 years ago.  They are such survivors.  Taking it all in stride and faith upon the Lord.

Anyway, with all of the above in mind, we've decided to move back in with them, to help them out.  We'll have plenty of space to ourselves, with some things in storage.  We are planning out a weekly schedule, and I hope to get up and cook some breakfast each morning, do the cleaning and chores, grocery buying, etc and we'll share the bills, hopefully help them to their appointments and with their meds.  It's a new season of life.  It may not last, since D's brother will be home from Afghanistan after the end of the year, and may be able to take over some of this stuff.  But for now....  Yes, it will mean a little "inconvenience"...being 30 minutes from the parish, instead of 3 minutes (sob) ...but, it will all balance out and be worth it.  God's will, in God's time....

So back to FIL, in the hospital....they still are not sure what is going on.  His cardiac enzymes were up, indicating a heart attack over the weekend.  But his liver enzymes were up too and other things.  No fluid around his heart, oddly enough,...that is usually the main issue he has had in the past.  His blood pressure was unstable for a while, but seems to be under control now.  His blood sugar was 48 when he went in, but is back up to normal now.  He is keeping food down, and normalizing in other areas.  So....hopefully, he is on the mend, and has many more years ahead.  We just ask your continued prayers for his health and quality of life, and for MIL's, and again, our "new season of life" that is upon us.  More exciting things on the horizon...but for now, I will ponder....and pack...we have to move by the end of the month somehow, between Doug being out of town 2 weekends in a row, and everything else going on.....

Micah as a baby, riding w/ "Pawpaw" :)  

Intimacy with God

I felt a blog post coming as I listened to Doug prepare to give a talk, based on the article below,  for one of his youth's prayer group at school tomorrow.

http://www.catholicchapterhouse.com/blog/2011/01/25/intimacy-with-god/

What hit me between the eyes tonight (and boy, I could write a whole other long post on how our wonderful/sorrowful Ash Wed. went today :) ) .....was this part:

Being mere humans, we tend to dismiss the people God places in our lives and the challenges we are called to overcome, as “needless obstacles.” God is asking you to embrace those things, and to use them to grow in intimacy with him.

 Wow.  First of all the little girl story is so powerful there.  How many times do I do that same thing with Mariam! :)  But....how many times does God do that with me?  And I am so consumed in my "why's?" and "but...'s" and whining that, when the really GREAT thing he was preparing me for comes along....I fear I am not thankful enough.  Argh...why didn't I just accept and have patience??  (I certainly don't want to PRAY FOR PATIENCE :P )  But ....I think it is because I am not maintaining that "intimacy with God"....that we all long for and need.  THAT is what God wants from us....intimacy. Just like in the Garden!!  Why do we hold back??? Time and Time again.  Why do we have to be reminded, or knocked upside the head to remember this?? lol

But more than this, with the passage from above....I am so convicted to stop the negative, running complaints in my head, in my heart....the ever-whining.  Why did this have to happen this way?  Why does this person in my life have to be this way or that?  And why couldn't they just be XYZ?   No.....God placed them in my lives....and HE KNEW....that *I* needed them.  Case in point:  I really always just "knew" I was going to get a Mariam in my life one day :)  If not God-forbid had it been her, then maybe Noah would have been or another child.... She challenges me more and more each day, in new ways.  She is spunky, she is bouncy, she is high energy, she is ever-questioning, ever-moving;  she "keeps me on my toes" as many people notice and say to me often, especially at Church. LOL  No, Micah and Jillian were not like that...they were easy-going and in the younger years, pretty quiet (not now though lol) and just...well easy.  I could get away with being "lazy"....okay...I shouldn't have been....and maybe there again God knew I needed that during some rough times with PPD and loss and all.  Please do not get me wrong....I am in love with Mariam, love her with ever fiber of my being.  I am not comparing her to them.  And like I said, I knew I had it coming :)  He just knew I needed her...to challenge me and kick me in the pants (maybe literally lol) and so much more.  And oh the JOY she brings as well.  Okay I've posted on this already...lol  But...it's not just with her.... God knew I needed the things in Doug too that challenge me :)  He encourages me and challenges me to jump out of my box like no one else could.  And I can think of so many other things and people in my life....that...it's just hitting me....oh wow, I've wanted to change this or that, or just be rescued from it....but no...He has molded and changed ME through all of them!  He is molding and changing me through them.  Wow.  And that means....that being the clay IN HIS HANDS....I can have quite the intimacy with HIM.  And I want more.....  I want all of HIM.  MORE ADORATION.  MORE DAILY MASS.  MORE INTIMATE PRAYER with HIM alone...shutting out all of the things that take me away.... and giving all of my worries to HIM.
And after the challenge of the movie Courageous today....and seeing the desires of my husband's heart too... I am so ready to "take it to the next level."  I pray I can rise to the challenge, and stay committed to our renewed focus......and have that greater Intimacy with God, with Christ...through Mary (along with several of my beloved online Catholic "sisters" :) )and GIVE that to my children too...teach them and teach them well, through modeling.  Holy Mary, pray for us!

Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of God, have mercy on me  a sinner.