she does it again...expresses much better than I ever could what I feel....I too came to HOPE, after Noah...through the healing process, thanks be to God! I hope you write a book on this one day Sue!
Sue Elvis Writes: Finding Meaning in a Baby's Death: “I’ve been able to accept Thomas’ death but I just can’t imagine how any good can come out of it,” I told Tanya, the leader of a local grie...
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
First born
EDIT: I started this post back closer to his actual birthday, Feb. 27 LOL Just now posting......Well, I couldn't brag on my girls, without also bragging on my First Born Son. Oh I get emotional thinking about what a good "little boy" he has been...and (sniff) what a good young man he is becoming. Yes, he turned 12 last Monday and he has reminded me 357 times that in "just" 4 more years he will be getting his driver's license. WAHHHH! LOL Hush your mouth boy! :P
But he seemed to have a good birthday...he invited some friends over to crash for the night Friday night (or rather, stay awake all night together having fun.) Yes, I was momentarily clinically insane. :P Parents seemed to think "more power to ya!" LOL But it went really well, the boys mostly played the Wii of course, and had a few games of hide and seek in the dark, even in our small house (not outside, since it was an Amazonian DOWNPOUR that night with multiple thunderstorm warnings and tornado watches. argh.) And even hilarious rounds of "Truth or Dare" that involved a few dares to sneak up to me and say something silly. LOL I got a kick out of that. (I was on the couch, on the laptop, until late) Ah, how the birthday parties have "aged" through the years....and I don't want to think how they WILL "age" in the future. LOL From watching the latest cartoon movie with popcorn and pizza (though that also happened this year LOL) to Truth or Dare. Gah. But all in all it went really well, and the boys seemed to have fun. Future sleepovers are already in the works. :) Micah is making some great friends. Here's the big hit cake pops a mom in our parish made for the party :)
(she actually put them on green "grass" in a box, not this pink thingy :)
And like I said, maturing. Yes, he likes to grab the full attention of anyone near by and talk incessantly still about all things Pokemon. Sigh. (maybe that one social skill he lacks due to not putting him in the public institutions, i mean, schools?? ) LOL Yes, he raises his hand in Rel. Ed. class to share something about his Teddy Bear, to which giggles can be heard in response. Sigh. Yes, he can torment his sisters, and laugh at the silliest non-sensible jokes. But... he also loves altar-serving and takes pride in serving when he can at Daily Mass, being the only kid there. Finally, we are able to now that we live 3 minutes instead of 30 minutes, from the church. It's actually a wonderful start to our days when we make it. It does throw our schedule off a bit, being at 9 a.m. Because we aren't early-enough risers to fit breakfast in before Mass, we have to after...which is late, and then we often do either Home school group/Spanish class or a park day (phys. ed. :) and then it seems like it's lunch time, then nap time, then our evening activities....um, when do you fit some actual "schooly" type things in, or just reading? Well, granted, if I have my wits about me, I can set the older two up w/ assignments to do while we take our nap (since I stay up so late, I more times than not, fall asleep too w/ Mariam LOL).......unless I don't nap, and get back up and can do some work w/ them. And this year, more than ever, I feel like I'm "falling behind." But more on that in another post....
Back to Micah....I love how so very "first born" he is. He takes responsibility. He is a "rules guy." He takes pride now in keeping his room clean and neat and organized, and taking out the trash. This may be short-lived LOL but I'm enjoying it. What I am not enjoying is the new pre-teen-ness. Argh. I sense (see me literally sniffing it out, I SMELL it LOL) the HORMONES beginning to stir....beginning to rage. No, not those kind of hormones.....but just....the emotion-inducing kind. Sometimes angry hormones...sometimes happy...sometimes sad and crying...sometimes confused and overwhelmed....ack! I sense....the...ATTITUDE. Wahhhh! Give me back my little two year old holding his linus-worn blue blankie and teddy bear:
But he seemed to have a good birthday...he invited some friends over to crash for the night Friday night (or rather, stay awake all night together having fun.) Yes, I was momentarily clinically insane. :P Parents seemed to think "more power to ya!" LOL But it went really well, the boys mostly played the Wii of course, and had a few games of hide and seek in the dark, even in our small house (not outside, since it was an Amazonian DOWNPOUR that night with multiple thunderstorm warnings and tornado watches. argh.) And even hilarious rounds of "Truth or Dare" that involved a few dares to sneak up to me and say something silly. LOL I got a kick out of that. (I was on the couch, on the laptop, until late) Ah, how the birthday parties have "aged" through the years....and I don't want to think how they WILL "age" in the future. LOL From watching the latest cartoon movie with popcorn and pizza (though that also happened this year LOL) to Truth or Dare. Gah. But all in all it went really well, and the boys seemed to have fun. Future sleepovers are already in the works. :) Micah is making some great friends. Here's the big hit cake pops a mom in our parish made for the party :)
And like I said, maturing. Yes, he likes to grab the full attention of anyone near by and talk incessantly still about all things Pokemon. Sigh. (maybe that one social skill he lacks due to not putting him in the public institutions, i mean, schools?? ) LOL Yes, he raises his hand in Rel. Ed. class to share something about his Teddy Bear, to which giggles can be heard in response. Sigh. Yes, he can torment his sisters, and laugh at the silliest non-sensible jokes. But... he also loves altar-serving and takes pride in serving when he can at Daily Mass, being the only kid there. Finally, we are able to now that we live 3 minutes instead of 30 minutes, from the church. It's actually a wonderful start to our days when we make it. It does throw our schedule off a bit, being at 9 a.m. Because we aren't early-enough risers to fit breakfast in before Mass, we have to after...which is late, and then we often do either Home school group/Spanish class or a park day (phys. ed. :) and then it seems like it's lunch time, then nap time, then our evening activities....um, when do you fit some actual "schooly" type things in, or just reading? Well, granted, if I have my wits about me, I can set the older two up w/ assignments to do while we take our nap (since I stay up so late, I more times than not, fall asleep too w/ Mariam LOL).......unless I don't nap, and get back up and can do some work w/ them. And this year, more than ever, I feel like I'm "falling behind." But more on that in another post....
Back to Micah....I love how so very "first born" he is. He takes responsibility. He is a "rules guy." He takes pride now in keeping his room clean and neat and organized, and taking out the trash. This may be short-lived LOL but I'm enjoying it. What I am not enjoying is the new pre-teen-ness. Argh. I sense (see me literally sniffing it out, I SMELL it LOL) the HORMONES beginning to stir....beginning to rage. No, not those kind of hormones.....but just....the emotion-inducing kind. Sometimes angry hormones...sometimes happy...sometimes sad and crying...sometimes confused and overwhelmed....ack! I sense....the...ATTITUDE. Wahhhh! Give me back my little two year old holding his linus-worn blue blankie and teddy bear:
Speaking of Teddy.....sigh.....I knew this was coming. But...yk, he just turned 12 years old....and yes, we figured he was going to end up taking Teddy to college with him, especially after seeing Toy Story 3 a few times. LOL (Like I said, he's not ashamed either...he doesn't "care" what other people think, even his peers at church!) He still needed Teddy to sleep. He still toted him to sleepovers and grandparents' homes. Even after adding a second, newer Bear....Cousin Copper...the chocolate smelling bear from Grandmama and Grandpa a few years back for Valentines' Day....he still favored good ol' Teddy, who was the same age as Micah, and he had his own language to communicate with. LOL But alas, we think ....we...have...lost...Teddy. For. good. :(* Oh the agony. Micah hasn't given up all hope yet, and is praying for St. Anthony to help find him. But here's how it went down. Micah had spent the night at Nana and Pawpaw's and I went to pick him up. I was in a hurry, but told him to go get his Bear. Micah went to right where he believed he had put Teddy...on or next to Pawpaw's desk (where the kids congregate to play games on the computer, in the kids' play room, where the tv is.) But see, that day, a family friend who is a professional house cleaner/organizer had begun work to declutter and clean the house. And she'd been throwing out things...old toys maybe even. She doesn't think she threw it out, but I mean,...how would she know? Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. But...we certainly can't find Bear anywhere....and it's been what...3, maybe 4 weeks? I really meant to confiscate Bear long before now and put him in a place of safe-keeping....or demand that Micah do so, and not take him out of the house ever, ever. Sigh. But...I guess time will tell. So...for now, Copper is doing Teddy's job. My 12 year old moody, but happy mostly, "baby" is snoozing away with him right now.....on the floor of his sisters' room because he doesn't want to be alone. LOL We'll see how much THAT changes in the next 4 years! :P
Ah, my braces-wearing, glasses-wearing (when not lost or broken) giggly emotional pre-teen....how I love thee. :)
You challenge me in new ways (and call me out, when I am in the wrong....) You make me proud. I love how you love history and math and science (when I do actually teach you something lol) ....and art...and "know" that Pokemon (and Digimon, and Dragonball, and Yugioh and all that other stuff) are not real. I love how you are learning your Faith and are spiritual....how you had such a good weekend w/ the teens at the Abby Youth Festival...and have many years yet to go again and again. I love how you've thought already about the priesthood, but also about marriage and family. I pray so hard that GOD's WILL be done in your life, young man...son. May HE show you the way to YOUR true calling and vocation. Whatever it may be...I give it over to HIM...it is in HIS HANDS and I will be so proud and happy either way. (I never used to say that fully....as a Protestant, I didn't fully understand vocations...and wanted you to only be married and have children....but now I know, in the big scheme of things....it would be WONDERFUL if you were called to be a PRIEST...or a Religious. I think you would be SOO GOOD at it!!!! :) Oh, I love you Micah!! Happy Birthday...more bragging on you later!
One Thing
I think there is one thing I am most proud of myself, as a mother, that I do. That I do well and good. For the most part. When my child wakes me up in the middle of the night, no matter how much sleep I have had or how I feel, so far I have been able to be there for them. I mean "be there" in every way. I can hold hair out of the way for puking, hold the puke bowl, wipe the puke away, clean up the puke, wipe the bottoms, bathe the sick child, redress them, sleep on the couch with them, hold them, rub their backs, hold the cold rag on their faces.....etc. Heck, even for a kidney stone, a wound in the head, or a broken arm now. LOL And I am so grateful to God for such graces. Maybe at times, they are "too dependent" on me....too "babied"...I don't know. But I am still glad I can do these things for them, knowing it was something I longed for as a child. Oh, I really am not bitter about it, because my mom couldn't help being the way she was about that. Some people just can't handle it. But I so wished she could on so many lonely scary nights, when I was sick. And maybe I said prayers about it, that one day I would be able to do it for MY children. I don't know...but I am so thankful I can be. And I hope I always will be able to "be there" at ANYtime during the night, for whatever my child needs of me. Lord, in Your Mercy, hear my prayer!!
Allergies
Seasonal, yes. It's that time of year. Yellow shaded warm breezes. I swear, I never had them until 2006...the year we moved down here. And it seems like they've gotten worse each year. Spring and Fall, doesn't matter here. And this year, we have an early Spring...we've had temps in the 80s for maybe 3 weeks. We hardly had a winter and in fact, did not have enough of a hard long freeze to kill down the insects. WAHHHHH! It's going to be pestilence this year. Sigh. Gnats. Mosquitoes. Roaches probably. Gag.
Yes. I love Spring. I do. I used to get Spring Fever so badly during school, that my grades would usually slump. I would stare at the blue sky out of the classroom windows if I could. In college, I definitely played hookie, usually with my best friend; we'd drive off somewhere in my car, grab lunch or some frozen yogurt or coffee, and just go sit somewhere w/ the windows down, the music on, sometimes in silence, or sometimes in deep conversation. (Yes, Cindy I sometimes long for those days again :) Or just to have them here and there NOW.) But, too, I loved the smell of the flowers in bloom. The azaleas that the South is so well known for. The wisteria was and is a favorite (though bees swarm to it LOL.) And I see all of it abloom now.... in fact, we have one tiny azalea bush at our new home, beside the garage.
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Yes. I love Spring. I do. I used to get Spring Fever so badly during school, that my grades would usually slump. I would stare at the blue sky out of the classroom windows if I could. In college, I definitely played hookie, usually with my best friend; we'd drive off somewhere in my car, grab lunch or some frozen yogurt or coffee, and just go sit somewhere w/ the windows down, the music on, sometimes in silence, or sometimes in deep conversation. (Yes, Cindy I sometimes long for those days again :) Or just to have them here and there NOW.) But, too, I loved the smell of the flowers in bloom. The azaleas that the South is so well known for. The wisteria was and is a favorite (though bees swarm to it LOL.) And I see all of it abloom now.... in fact, we have one tiny azalea bush at our new home, beside the garage.
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:) (and yes we need to rake our pinestraw, argh) But....all this beauty....is now...sadly...in my late 30s, becoming the BANE of my EXISTENCE! LOL Tickles in my throat that are somehow connected to my eyeballs, namely my right one, as if by a string or electrical wire....like a button sounding the alarm...I feel the tiny little tickle and I know: either I am going to gag, cough, sneeze, or seem to cry. It happened again in Mass tonight, and briefly Mariam stopped being ...well, naughty...and asked me if I was crying, in a concerned tone. LOL No. "You have somethin' in your eye?" Yes. And I imagined this yellow spire ball of pollen somehow stuck to the pink toned inside of my throat and maybe my eyeball too. I imagine it looking like a sweetgum ball, with the spikey points, only yellow. But w/ a maniacal evil laugh, as if so happy to be tormenting me. LOL Gah. And the sinus pressure.... Sometimes around my eyes, sometimes leading up to my ear, sometimes around my sides of my nose....and then, I wonder if it's just a bad tooth root hurting me, I don't even know anymore, it hurts off and on so much now in my face. And just the past few days, a bit of chest wheeze has developed. I knew I could literally feel that pollen blowing into my lungs. Sigh. No, I don't have a cold. Most of the time, I otherwise feel fine. No sore throat. No fever. This has been going on, daily for like 3 weeks now. Happened last fall, and last spring, and the fall before that, and the spring before that, and... like I said...2006. And I tried taking Zyrtec for few weeks,..to no avail. So, now I'm trying another one...to no avail. Mucus relief, ibuprofren, sometimes cough meds, sometimes honey, .... Maybe I could try peppermint oil or eucalyptus oil on my sinuses? I don't know, that's all the essential oils I have right now....but I'll try anything. And we were outside at the park a long time on Saturday, and though it was hot, it was so nice, but I knew....I knew I'd suffer later...and I did. I took some Nyquil last night, just so I'd sleep.... And I can't take benadryl, that makes me soo sleepy during the day, and have a hangover the next day. Anyone out there have thoughts or ideas as to what I should try? Guess I need to do some googling....
UPDATE: allergies have been getting better this week, but...bad news is, I am pretty sure some of that what I thought to be sinus-pressure is rather my tooth hurting me :( I had this bad tooth that had started to chip...and finally broke...it didn't hurt me though...even though it's broke up to the gum...it's on the side, so thankfully not obvious to the world, but I thought I was going to get to coast along...continuing my 8 yr long (wow time flies! sigh) avoidance of the dentist (another post for another time, related to my PTSD and fear) .....but if this keeps up and/or gets progressively worse...I may have to break down ...and that scares the dickens out of me!!!! SO I ask for prayers for my tooth....may my pain go away like Doug's did with his LOL It sort of radiates along the whole side of my face, up toward my ear... just one ibuprofren or tylenol won't touch it....sigh.
UPDATE: allergies have been getting better this week, but...bad news is, I am pretty sure some of that what I thought to be sinus-pressure is rather my tooth hurting me :( I had this bad tooth that had started to chip...and finally broke...it didn't hurt me though...even though it's broke up to the gum...it's on the side, so thankfully not obvious to the world, but I thought I was going to get to coast along...continuing my 8 yr long (wow time flies! sigh) avoidance of the dentist (another post for another time, related to my PTSD and fear) .....but if this keeps up and/or gets progressively worse...I may have to break down ...and that scares the dickens out of me!!!! SO I ask for prayers for my tooth....may my pain go away like Doug's did with his LOL It sort of radiates along the whole side of my face, up toward my ear... just one ibuprofren or tylenol won't touch it....sigh.
Friday Freewrite
Well, I am not going to finish this (or even begin it ) on Friday, but thought I'd do the Bravewriter "Friday Freewrite" challenge here: What four things are most important in your life? I'm just going to go ahead and blurt it out: My FAITH, My HUSBAND, MY KIDS, and...ok to choose one more is hard. My Church...? My extended family and friends...? Definitely, but who or what am I forgetting here? I don't want to mess this up. LOL There's food of course, sigh...a little too important in my life. There's Freedom...which I fear is being taken away slowly by the current administration in the U.S. of A. There's a roof over our heads...very thankful for that, since money is so tight...paycheck to paycheck, but always the first bill we pay, never late. There's homeschooling....the time I get to spend with my children, protecting them from certain things, giving them the freedom to be who they are and to learn on their own or in their own timing. There's also a vehicle to drive...barely working, sometimes just one, not two, but still a vehicle nonetheless with gas mostly in the tank. But what is truly important in life beyond my Faith, Husband and Kids? I'm not sure...will continue to ponder...
Spirited Child
sigh, when am I going to buy this book? How many more struggles w/ Mariam in Mass will it take? Actually, I think I had been planning to get The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson, but I think I more so want to get Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka .......suggested by Unschooling Catholic Moms.... and then too, I think for ME, I want to get The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World http://www.amazon.com/The-
P.S. As I "speak" she is brushing my hair LOL somewhat gently....she can be SO sweet and SO mean at the same time :P I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting my sinus/allergy headache (that has been DAILY for the past few weeks due to the severe pollen sigh...) but really my daily prayer has been, in Adoration and in Mass especially, Lord, please help me to be a better mother, to be more patient, to not yell.....Amen.
P.S. As I "speak" she is brushing my hair LOL somewhat gently....she can be SO sweet and SO mean at the same time :P I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting my sinus/allergy headache (that has been DAILY for the past few weeks due to the severe pollen sigh...) but really my daily prayer has been, in Adoration and in Mass especially, Lord, please help me to be a better mother, to be more patient, to not yell.....Amen.
(a little pic I drew of us me and Mariam lol notice the bags under eyes :P)
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